Phone Anxiety

How about this? I’ve been on the phone today with people I don’t want to talk to, people who don’t want to talk to me, and my favorite, people who are nice and helpful.

The prospect of making phone calls makes me have sweaty attacks. But when I finally get up the nerve to dial and speak, the business people are nine times out of ten very nice and helpful. They make me wonder why I have phone anxiety in the first place. Then there are some personal calls that blow me through the roof.

I talked to three people today, two of whom I’ve known my whole life and one stranger I called for an answer to a question . When it came to talking to the stranger for business reasons I just had to state my business and ask my question. He answered the question to my satisfaction, and more! It was a very lovely conversation with business resolved.

Then came the two personals. Yikes X10.

So what was it about talking to these two particular people I’ve known forever? First thing is they’re both old as dirt. Second thing is they were both raised in the same dysfunctional household. Third, neither of them know how to speak directly.

As a kid I was taught to only speak when spoken to. I was also taught to respect my elders. But guess what? That kid grows into a rebellious teen. That kid becomes a grown-ass adult who swears and spews on occasion. Perhaps that kid resents those lessons taught about speaking and respecting. And perhaps that kid learned that elders aren’t all-knowing. Perhaps that kid finally decided fuck you all I’m gonna do what I want because none of those childhood scoldings have any relevance once reaching…middle age.

Then that kid has to care for, or at the very least communicate with, these “elders.” Tell you what, the past lessons haunt and the present day circumstances prick and annoy.

My filter is growing thin, but I try really hard to communicate with my elders with respect because I know their filters are completely gone and/or they’re so warped in the head from their own upbringing and aging brains that they can’t deal with regular people (like me) who might swear occasionally and definitely have phone anxiety. Hell, they probably have no concept of phone anxiety in the first place.

I tried really hard today to be nice to these two people I’ve known my entire life. I tried not to hurt feelings. I tried to get simple answers to my simple questions. I was met with wavering and inabilities to commit to answers to my questions. I was met with my own thinking, why the hell do I even bother?

There’s a thing about duty and obligation. Duty and obligation toward elders is definitely a thing. But I’ll tell you what…you piss me off too much I might just drop an f-bomb on you, don’t care if you squirted me out of your vagina (Icky Lady #1) or if you’re a nun (Icky Auntie Lady #2).

Thank you, guy I did business with today. You were friendly and helpful and the bright spot in my phone conversations. Icky Ladies, well, fuck you both.

The End